Hold On
by DeanLittle67
Summary: Cannon diversion 5x04 *SPOILERS* What if the blow Will took was worse? How will his family and friends react as he fights to pull through?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Natalie wasn't sure what to expect. With the craziness that was Chicago Med mixed with whatever was going on out in the city, her mind was occupied with racing thoughts. Those thoughts came to a dead halt when she'd heard a whisper of a doctor being attacked in the CDC lab. A Chicago Med doctor. A red-headed doctor. Will.

She shouldn't have left her assignment, shouldn't have had all other thoughts flood out of her head and be replaced with Will. It wasn't her place anymore, but somewhere deep in her soul, she knew it was. Even if she was willing to deny it every single time it came up.

What she saw wasn't what she'd been expecting, not in a long shot. She was expecting him to insist he was fine, that he didn't need to be looked over. She was expecting to see those brown eyes, a smile. Instead, as she looked through the glass of the ED room, she saw blood covering half his face. She saw his scrub shirt had been cut down the middle and was parted with EKG leads and wires across his torso. She saw bloody gauze pads covering a section of his hair. She saw a ventilator attached to intubation tubing breathing for him. It was not a sight she'd been expecting, and it was one that tore at that buried part of her deep in her soul.

She reached out, hand pressed to the glass to keep herself upright as the other shot to cover her mouth, tears stinging her eyes. That wasn't Will, it just couldn't be. But she knew it was.

A large hand came down on her shoulder, looking over to see Daniel standing there. He glanced from Will to her before simply saying, "Let's talk."

Natalie didn't want to talk, but she let herself be led to the doctor's lounge anyway. Maybe it would be good to get her mind off it, even for just a second. She sat in the chair, elbows on the table before letting her head fall into her hands as she tried to steady her breathing.

"What happened?" she asked, hoping Daniel didn't notice the crack in her voice. "Jay…Jay needs to know."

"Jay knows," she was assured as Daniel sat next to her. "The person responsible for the outbreak was one of the university staff assisting the CDC. We're not sure exactly what led up to it, but he attacked Will with a piece of equipment in the lab. Jay one of the people that found him."

She understood, but it felt too surreal. It made no sense to her. Why would whoever this was attack Will? That's what she needed to know.

"What…"

She shook her head, not sure what to say to all of this. Maybe she just needed to get back to work, to working on helping the people she could. Will wasn't her responsibility, they'd both made that clear over the past few weeks. Again, there was that small part of her, deep inside, that said otherwise. It told her she needed to be there with him, to hold his hand and assure him it was going to be alright.

"What do they know?" she finally asked.

"When they found Will, he wasn't breathing. They're not sure how long it had been, but they got him intubated upstairs before bringing him down. It probably wasn't long though. The force of the blow and the angle caused an avulsion of the scalp, and he has a depressed skull fracture. They noticed some pieces missing, so they're going to do an x-ray and then probably a CT or MRI to see if there's any brain damage. And from there, we'll let Sam do his job."

She knew what a good doctor Sam was, having been her own neurologist after her accident. It seemed so long ago, when really it wasn't. And now this? And now Will?

"He and I haven't been seeing eye to eye recently. He was adamant that I wanted to tell him something, and that's why I'd been in his car that night," she said softly. "It's just been a constant back and forth, and now…Maybe he's right Dr. Charles. Maybe I was coming to tell him something that night, and not the proposal I still don't remember."

"What do you think it was Natalie?" he countered.

This was the downside to working closely with a psychiatrist. Sometimes, he made her think a little harder about things she'd rather suppress. There were some things she wanted to keep buried deep inside, out of the way of everything else. Her guilty secrets– which came in many forms. And this one was Will.

"I'm trying to tell myself that he's just my friend. That yes, I should be worried and concerned, but that I should get back to work. But there's this part of me that is telling me to scream and cry and put everything on hold until I know that he's going to be okay. I think it's the part of me that might still…" She paused, not sure if she should even say it.

"That might still love him?" Daniel asked, but it was exactly what she was thinking, so she nodded in response, looking up at her colleague – her friend.

"It's crazy right?" she said with an exasperated sigh. "I have a fiancé, and I'm happy. Or at least I think I am. But things still don't add up, and I don't remember everything, but I really don't remember a proposal. And I vaguely remember one of the FBI agents came to talk to me about Will, but it's a blur."

"Maybe, you should follow your heart and not your head for this one. Sometimes overthinking is what causes quite a few of our problems. My suggestion is taking a break. We have plenty of doctors working hard to figure all of this out, and as much as it's going to suck having two of our best out of for the count, it's what's best. I'm sure Sharon and even Will would agree we'd rather have you out than having your mind elsewhere while trying to help, because that is a road to mistakes happening."

She knew he was right. Having a preoccupied mind is not in the best interest for any of the patients.

"Gather yourself, compose yourself. Jay is in there with him right now, and when you're ready, join him," he finished as he stood, hand on her shoulder again. "He's going to pull through. He always does."

He was right about that one, considering Will was the same person who went home with an impromptu chest tube after the accident. She watched Daniel leave the room before taking some deep breaths.

This was something that happened in movies to actors. Not to them, not in real life. Sometimes though, it felt like their lives were one big movie with turn after turn of drama. Maybe, they were just unlucky that way.

Following Daniels advice, she took a few extra minutes before standing up and straightening her scrubs. Another deep breath, and she walked out of the lounge and made a beeline for Will's room.

She didn't knock, just quietly slipped in. Jay was sitting next to him, looking as stoic as possible in this situation, but she knew he was hurting. He had to be furious and worried and as much of a mix of emotions as she was – minus the romantic love aspect.

"How is he?" she asked softly, Jay turning his head towards her to acknowledge her as she sat in a chair on the other side of Will.

"The same, I guess. The x-ray showed that there are no skull fragments in his brain, so that's a plus, right?" he said with a chuckle. "They said they'd be taking him down for a CT as soon as possible, but the quarantine patients are keeping them pretty busy. They also said something about EKG changes. I figured you'd probably know more about that than I do."

Looking up at his EKG, she didn't see anything glaring. At least not at that moment, but she hadn't seen his others, so didn't have anything to base it off.

"I want to kill the son of a bitch that did this, Nat. I want to make him suffer, but… It's Will, Nat. I can't just…" His hand ran over his face as his sentence cut off.

"I know Jay." She really did. The two people who understood that better than anybody else were the two people sitting by his bedside.

"There was just so much blood. I've seen my fair share, don't get me wrong."

"But it's different when it's someone you love," she finished for him, nodding as he looked up at her again.

The two didn't say anything else, transport showing up just a few minutes later to take him down for the CT. Her first instinct was to stand up to go with him, but quickly reconsidered it before Jay spoke up again.

"You go with him, stay with him. I can't just sit here and do nothing while this guy is still out there."

"I'll call you with updates," she assured him, walking with Will down the halls.

Some people did second glances, almost to check to make sure they were seeing things right. Other people ignored it like he was nothing. He wasn't nothing though, he was everything. Maybe he was right all along. Maybe she'd been coming to tell him something important. Like the fact she still loved him. The thought of losing him forever was completely and utterly unbearable to fathom. It was the only reason she had as much hope as she did.

She stood in the imaging room as they did the CT, Sam joining her soon after it began. At first, they stood there in silence, until his images came up on the screen. Even she knew how to interpret them, and she was no brain surgeon.

"He has significant swelling off the right parietal lobe, and a section of the occipital," Sam stated bluntly.

"So, what do you have to do?" she countered, looking at the doctor.

"The best thing to do is give Mannitol, keep him cool, and do a repeat in twelve hours. If the swelling doesn't subside by then or if we notice a significant ICP increase, a ventriculostomy would be the best bet, and if that doesn't work, a craniectomy or craniotomy."

She knew the last two options were worst case, although slightly easier considering his skull fracture, which she should probably ask about. But she wasn't too worried about it at the moment considering the thought that just came into her head.

"Do you know if he's getting a culture done for the bacteria?"

It hadn't even crossed her mind that the man responsible for this could have infected Will, either on purpose or on accident.

"I'm just a brain guy, not my department," Sam reminded her before walking out. Truly in Sam style.

She walked next to Will as they wheeled him back to the ED. It was only a matter of time before he was moved up to the ICU, so it was just a waiting game. They resituated the bed, locking it in place before leaving her with him again.

There was an expectation to hear him complain about all of this, that he was fine and needed to get back to work. Instead, she was met with the whirring of the ventilator. It was almost like the tick bite all over again, except this time, he really was on a ventilator. And it was an assault and not just a freak occurrence.

"I know we always tell patient's families that they can hear them in situations like this, but I always wonder if it's true or not. I hope it is," she told him softly, taking his hand in hers. She wanted his fingers to tighten on her hand, but instead, was left with him being unmoving. "I just really need you to pull through. So does Jay. I don't think he can handle losing anybody else right now."

She knew she definitely couldn't. Especially lose him. There was just so much she wanted to say, needed to say to him. She needed to know he heard her and understood her. He was one of her closest friends, and she didn't know what she'd do without him in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It didn't take long for them to move him up to ICU, Natalie following before sending a quick text to Jay to let him know of the move. She didn't hear back, assuming he was busy trying to find this guy. She also hadn't heard if Will had a culture done or not, and deemed it inappropriate to look at his medical record to find out.

A nurse was in checking on him pretty fast, double checking ventilator settings, so Natalie figured it was a good time to ask.

"Do you know if Will had a culture done for the outbreak bacteria? Considering not only he was in the CDC lab when he was attacked, but he was also attacked by the suspect," she asked softly.

The nurse walked over to the computer, pulling up his chart. Natalie could make out some of what was on the screen from where she was sitting, but didn't try to read it.

"It looks like he has, but the results haven't come back yet."

"And until then, will you be doing regular skin checks?" she followed up.

"One of us will be, every twenty minutes or so, Dr Manning," the nurse assured her before leaving her alone with her thoughts again.

All she could think of was the fact that none of this should have been happening. It wasn't fair. Absentmindedly, she played with the ring on her finger - Phillip's ring. She remembered when it was Will's, how excited she was. And then the whole situation with the Burke family, and the gun.

With all the secrets he'd been hiding, it had been hard to trust him. The gun was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It seemed so insignificant now as she sat next to him. She wouldn't do anything differently, though, if given the chance. The only thing she might change would be trying to recognize his symptoms of PTSD a little earlier. But she didn't blame herself. If she was being honest, she really didn't blame Will either. The situation was a lose-lose, and it sucked.

As promised, the nurse was back in twenty minutes later to do a skin check on Will. Natalie couldn't imagine what it would be like if Will had been assaulted _and _came back positive for this bacteria. It would be literal hell for him. Everything checked out, and Natalie went back to worrying.

She was pulled from her thoughts by the monitor alarm going off. Glancing up, she saw his blood pressure was slightly elevated. It was to be expected, but at the same time, it was worrisome. Depending on how high his blood pressure got, they were looking at a multitude of different problems arising in its wake.

She silenced the alarm, setting her watch to go off in five minutes to retake his blood pressure. Squeezing her eyes shut, she ran a hand over her face. She needed coffee and sleep, but couldn't leave him. At least, not until Jay got back.

Her watch alarm went off, prompting her to push the button to retake his blood pressure. She was hoping it had come down a little bit, watching the numbers go higher and higher before coming back down. The alarm went off again, his blood pressure even higher than before. This wasn't a good sign.

"I need some help here," she called out to the nurses.

With a blood pressure that high following a head trauma, it was a tell-tale sign of increasing intracranial pressure, which meant he'd probably need brain surgery sooner rather than later.

"How can I help, Dr Manning?" the nurse asked before Natalie motioned to the monitor.

"I need you to page Dr Abrams about Will's blood pressure. If it gets much higher, we're looking at severe brain compromise," she instructed.

When it came to her patients and her cases, following her gut feeling was usually right. At that moment, she didn't like what her gut was telling her. She followed it anyway, running another blood pressure.

"Work with me here, Will," she muttered under her breath, hoping the numbers would come back lower.

They didn't, which meant Sam needed to get there quickly.

"Get me two of Ativan," she then said to the nurse once she'd gotten off the phone with Sam.

She gave Natalie an odd look, but followed direction either way. Natalie was just preparing for the worst case scenario - which was a seizure induced by the increased intracranial pressure and the blood pressure. It was the logical next step for Will to take. She was just waiting for it to start.

Her gut was usually right, and it wasn't long before Will's body started jerking uncontrollably. She rolled him to his side, making sure his ET tube stayed secured in his airway as the nurse pushed the Ativan. What she didn't expect was the noise to follow once the jerking stopped.

Jay had mentioned the doctors speaking of EKG changes. When she looked up, she saw he was in v-fib.

"Call a code!" she called out before starting compressions.

She shouldn't have been working him, but she was the closest doctor. She wasn't going to just let him die while waiting for the next closest doctor to get there.

"Get the paddles, charge to two-hundred," she instructed, hands pushing on Will's chest hard and fast.

This isn't happening. This could not be happening. She needed to wake up from this horrific nightmare. But as she continued chest compressions, she didn't wake up. Despite the tears stinging her eyes, she wasn't waking up. Grabbing the paddles from the nurse, Natalie let her push Will's gown down before pressing the paddles to his chest, calling out, "Clear," and pushing the buttons.

His body jerked as the electricity coursed through his chest. Looking up, the EKG wasn't changing.

"Start compressions, push one of epi and charge to two hundred again," she told the staff who had flooded the room.

She watched one of the nurses continue compressions, another pushing the epi, which left Natalie standing there with charging paddles, watching them do CPR on Will. She'd felt his ribs break under her hands, was seeing his seemingly lifeless body have hands pushing on his chest.

"Clear," she called out again, repeating the same actions as before, his body jerking under the electricity.

This time when she looked at the monitor, it was normal sinus rhythm again, his pulse rate low to begin with before climbing again.

"Where is Dr Abrams?" she asked the room, hoping one of them would know as a nurse took the paddles from her.

"He's on his way," someone answered before most of the staff left the room.

Natalie sat down again, letting out a sigh. There were only two ways this situation could get worse, she'd decided. Either Will had contracted the bacteria. Or he died. She couldn't think of any other way this could get any worse, considering he'd almost died.

"What happened?" Sam asked as he waltzed in the room.

"BP skyrocketed before going into pulseless v-fib. Two shocks and one of epi, got normal sinus again. BP is still sky high," she replied, hoping he had an answer.

"I'll go ahead and have them prep him for surgery, starting off with a ventriculostomy. I'll get his emergency contact on the phone."

She nodded, knowing it was Jay. She also knew that if Sam couldn't get ahold of Jay, he was going to do the surgery any way based on implied consent. It really couldn't get much worse.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Is he out of surgery?" someone asked from behind her.

Whoever it was had pulled her out of a cat-nap. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting in the waiting room doing just that, waiting. Glancing up, she saw Jay take a seat across from her.

"Not yet," she replied, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Did you catch him?"

"Not alive, unfortunately. I really wanted to make sure he paid for what he's done."

She understood, but maybe this guy being dead was better for everyone. It just didn't give anyone closure. Especially her. She was surprised to see the face of her watch displaying 2100. Will should've been out of surgery by now, but she just tried to relax. He was in great hands after all.

"When Dr Abrams called, he said that Will almost died? But that you'd saved him," Jay said, most likely looking for answers from the time he was gone.

"He had EKG changes again. This time it was what we call 'pulseless ventricular fibrillation' or 'pulseless v-fib.' The electricity flow of the heart is interrupted and wires get crossed, which causes the muscles of the heart to shake instead of pump blood. I was just doing what any doctor would do, and it was more of a joint effort than just me," she explained, getting only a nod in return. "Dr Abrams is a fantastic surgeon, and I have complete faith in him."

She only got another nod in return. It was understandable, considering everything Jay had been through. Now, he was looking at the possibility of losing his brother. It was an odd thought. Out of the two brothers, anybody would have put money on Jay being on that operating table, not Will. Mostly due to their occupations. Nobody would think being a doctor in a hospital would lead to this. A cop, definitely, especially in today's world. It wasn't something that was a far off possibility for Jay. Considering he'd been shot on the job before, it wasn't a far off notion for him.

It seemed like the seconds ticked by like minutes, and minutes seemed like hours until Sam walked out to their positions in the waiting room. He looked beaten and worn out, but he didn't have the somber air about him that he typically carried when delivering the worst possible news.

"Will is out of surgery, but far from out of the woods," Sam told the pair. "I had to convert to a craniectomy. I removed the fractured portion of his skull and when the swelling goes down, we'll go back in and replace it with a plate. This allows the skull room to swell without as much damage. We had some false alarms with his EKG, but nothing as severe as before. He's still intubated, and most likely will be until the second surgery. He does have a few broken ribs from the CPR, but those should heal up in four to six weeks, barring any complications."

"Why did you have to a crano-crani," Jay tried asking, stumbling over the words.

"A craniectomy. I originally attempted what's called a ventriculostomy which allows the excess fluid that's causing the swelling to drain. However, the damage to his skull was a great cause for concern, and I deemed it necessary to remove the portion to avoid further damage."

"Can we see him?" Natalie then asked.

She knew Jay didn't understand half the words Sam was saying, and could try explaining it to him later when the shock wore off a bit.

"Of course. Same ICU room as before," Sam told them before walking off, most likely to go home.

Speaking of home, Phillip was probably waiting for her. As much as she wanted to stay for Will, she did have a family. Especially Owen. Usually she would have been home hours ago. Phillip knew about the outbreak, and probably understood why she would be getting home late. But Owen was still a child, not needed to know any of those details, and probably only focused on the fact that Mommy wasn't home. She knew she needed to go home, but first, she had to check on Will.

It wasn't that she didn't believe Sam when he said Will was still alive. She just needed to see it for herself, to reassure herself that the worst hasn't happened.

It was still a bit of a shock to walk into the hospital room and see him still hooked up to tubes and wires. This time, his red hair was replaced by white bandaging. He looked peaceful, she couldn't deny that. However, she knew it was far from the truth. Yes, he wasn't in any pain and had no idea what was going on, but when he woke up for the first time, it was going to be far from peaceful. He would have to piece together days, weeks, maybe even months - although she prayed it wasn't. She could only hope that all of this resolved quickly.

"Oh my god," she heard Jay whisper to himself, sitting next to his brother and taking his hand.

She couldn't imagine what Jay was thinking about all of this. Will really was all he had left. Sure, they hadn't seen eye to eye all the time, but that didn't negate the fact that they cared about each other.

"I'm going to go home, Jay. I have to get to Owen, and I have work in the morning. But call me if you need anything, okay?" she told him softly, hand resting on his shoulder.

"I will. Thanks, Nat. You just being here has meant a lot to me, and I know Will would say the same thing," he replied.

She couldn't help but give him a sympathetic smile before moving to touch Will's leg softly as her goodbye. As much as she didn't want to leave him, she had to. Plus, she would be back in the morning, and would check in on him throughout her shift.

"Try and get some sleep," she added, before leaving the room.

As she walked down to the doctor's lounge in the ED, she couldn't help but think. It seemed like that was all she'd been doing all day was just thinking. It was hard to be stuck in her own thoughts, but it gave her enough time to be stuck in them to begin questioning parts of her life. She questioned Phillip, and the proposal. For as much as she remembered, or had a vague memory of happening leading up to her accident, she still had no memory whatsoever of his proposal. Plus, had she really said yes after seeing each other for just a short amount of time? It didn't seem like her. And with the part of her that obviously still loved Will bubbling up higher from the depths she'd pushed it to, it made sense that she'd question her current relationship. Sure, Phillip was sweet and charming and a great father, she couldn't get it out of her head that it should be Will in that spot.

She knew she wasn't going to come to any decisions any time soon about all of it, but the ball had started rolling. It was probably going to lead into the snowball effect of taking everything down in its path, but that would come later.

She grabbed her belongings from her locker, checking her phone as she walked out to her car. There were several missed calls and texts from Phillip, so she just shot back a quick 'on my way home' message. There was a lot to deal with, but she knew that right now, she just needed to take baby steps and take it all one day at a time.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been three weeks with minimal signs of improvement. The swelling had gone down with enough improvement for Sam to complete the surgery for Will's skull repair. Jay seemingly slept at Med, though she noted when he was gone, so it must not have been the case. There hadn't been any more close calls with his health, his culture coming back negative and his EKG continuing to look normal. What was worrisome was the fact that they'd began lowering the amount of sedatives being given to him, and he'd shown no signs of waking up.

Sam had assured them it was normal and that his brain needed time to heal, but she also knew it didn't mean not to worry. Natalie was a doctor though, she knew what was going on. It was a half-veiled assurance when really, Sam didn't know why he wasn't beginning to wake up.

It made it a little harder to concentrate on work, but she did the best she could under the circumstances. She tried her best to make sure every one of her patients that walked through that door were of top priority. That didn't mean she didn't occasionally sneak off during down time to go check on Will. It didn't help that his absence was very noticeable.

Jay wasn't there, which wasn't too much of a surprise considering it was the middle of the day and he was probably at work. Despite all they were doing for Will, he looked smaller. His cheekbones were more pronounced, his muscles were most likely atrophied. It got harder and harder to come in every day, wanting to see him awake, and every day he wasn't.

"Hey, Will," she said softly, sitting down next to him.

Over the weeks, she continued to be in her own head a lot, trying to figure out what she wanted out of her life. Mostly, torn between Will and Phillip. As much as she tried to have hope in this situation, she couldn't bring herself to choose. She was terrified that if she chose Will, he wouldn't pull through.

She couldn't stay with him long, hand holding his as she rested her free arm on the railing and resting her head on her arm. She just looked at him, saw his chest rise and fall with every whir of the ventilator. And that's when she saw it, the fluttering of his eyes before they opened.

"Will," she said softly, hoping to get his attention.

That was, if he stayed awake. It wasn't uncommon for people coming out of sedation to go in and out for a while as the drugs worked their way out of their system. It looked like he might go back under, eyelids looking heavy before he looked over at her.

"Will, you're in the hospital on a ventilator, okay?" she told him. "You had an accident, but you'll be okay."

He seemed to acknowledge her before his eyes closed again. She knew it was promising, standing up to let the nurse know to page Dr Abrams. Unfortunately she had to go back to work, but she made sure to send Jay a quick text letting him know the news.

"Hey, Nat, how is he?" Maggie asked as Natalie made her way back into the ED.

"He woke up. For just a minute, but he woke up and looked at me. So things are looking up," she answered with a smile before going back to work.

The rest of her day had gone smoothly, without much to complain about. She'd let Phillip know that she'd be home late again. She tried to not make it too often, more for Owen than anything else. In the past three weeks, it had only been a handful of times. But this was a special circumstance. She needed to see if he was awake.

"Have there been any changes?" she asked the April at the nurse's station prior to entering the room.

"He's woken up a couple more times, not for long though. They've decided to use soft restraints so he doesn't pull out his tube. Dr Abrams and the respiratory therapist have been talking on and off, and his ventilator settings have been lowered. They're hoping if it all goes well, he should be off the vent in a couple of days," she answered.

Natalie knew April had been picking up extra shifts in the ICU even before Will's accident. But it was nice knowing that a familiar face was watching over him. Ethan had come to visit a few times while she was there. She'd called Connor to let him know, but he was hesitant to come back. Understandably so, but he and Will had become pretty good friends over the past few years.

When she walked in, she saw Jay wasn't there, figuring he might have a late case or maybe was just taking a few hours to deal with whatever he needed to do at home.

She was hopeful when she walked into his room, the most hopeful she'd been since all of this began. She wasn't thrilled about the fact that his hands were tied down, but knew it was for the best. She sat next to him, undoing the restraint on that side to hold his hand. Nobody would care.

"Will," she said, hoping it would be enough to get him to wake up again.

It didn't work, unfortunately, which left her sitting in silence again. She wasn't expecting to fall asleep with his hand in hers and her head on his bicep, but she did, startled awake by a moving arm. His moving arm.

"Hey," she said groggily, not bothering to look at the time. "Will, calm down."

He was restless, a look of confusion in his eyes. What was worse was the fear in his eyes. It seemed like he probably didn't remember waking up any of those times. She knew what it was like, to wake up, disoriented with a tube down your throat. It was terrifying.

"You're okay, Will. Look at me," she instructed, and he seemed to follow.

Their eyes met and she gave him a smile. Three weeks of constant waiting, of worry, and it all led up to this moment. And now, she didn't know what to say.

"You're at Med, Will. You were hit in the head, you've had a couple of brain surgeries, and you're on a ventilator." The look of confusion didn't seem to leave his eyes. "Do you know who I am?" she then asked.

Fortunately, she received a small nod in return, continuing to keep a tight hold on his hand. Now that he was awake, and seemingly cognizant, she didn't want to risk him pulling out the tube.

"It's been about four weeks since the outbreak, Will. I know it's scary, that this isn't how anybody would expect to wake up. But Sam has done wonders on you, and they're hoping to get you off the vent soon, okay? I just need you to hang in there, okay?" she continued, hating the one sided conversation.

She got another nod, his hand squeezing hers. Now that he was awake, it was all a little less scary. And the doubts she had were washed away as soon as their eyes met. As much as she cared for Phillip, this is where she wanted to be. Maybe they could make it work, maybe it would fail again, but she wanted to try. She didn't say anything though, not yet at least. It wasn't the time or the place. He needed to get better before she'd bring it up. Hopefully, that wouldn't be too much longer.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you all for the support on this story. It means a lot, and I've been having a blast creating this. I'm not sure how long it's going to go. My guess would be between 15-20 chapters give or take. To answer your question, autumnamberleaves, yes I'm in the medical field. I'm currently a paramedic student, but I've been in the field for the past four years, and all of my immediate family are in the medical field as well. I do try to be as accurate as possible. Thank you all again, and I hope you enjoy this very short, sweet chapter.

The next morning, she dropped Owen off with Helen, having told Phillip she had some errands to run and that Helen hadn't seen him in a while. Which was all true, don't get her wrong. However, she omitted the important details, like the fact that she was going to see Will at the hospital.

She was happy to see him awake when she walked in the room, Jay sitting there, talking to him. It seemed like he was catching his brother up on everything he'd missed. Which in reality, wasn't too much. It was understandable though, considering how they'd almost lost him. She sat down in the free chair with a smile, his eyes following her. He still looked confused, but she wasn't sure why this time.

"Natalie has been fantastic through all of this," Jay continued when he noticed she walked in. "She even saved your life, so you owe her."

She thought she might have seen the corners of his mouth move as if to smile. Maybe it was in her head.

"What'd I miss?" Natalie asked the two, wondering if there had been any other changes.

"Respiratory came in. They're doing some kind of breathing test. He's been passing so far since the alarm hasn't gone off."

She was a bit confused at that statement before looking at the vent. Will was breathing on his own. The test Jay was referring to was a spontaneous breathing test where the ventilator settings allowed him to breathe on his own, and if there was any struggle, it would do it for him.

"Is this the first test they've done?" she then asked, knowing he had to pass three before they'd consider extubating him.

"Yeah, but he's been going strong for a good half hour now."

She really couldn't help but smile at that. It was all good signs. He seemed to recognize them both. They'd have a better understanding of the damage when he was awake. Hopefully, physical therapy would be in soon to start working on his movement and to see if any of his movement was affected.

"We're going to have to get you a cool hat until your hair grows back," she half joked, thinking of custom ordering a hat for him. She was going to miss the full head of red hair until it was back.

He rolled his eyes at that, but it was a sign that Will was still indeed Will. Again, she absentmindedly played with the ring on her finger, staring at a spot on the ground as Jay continued his one sided conversation.

Now that they were pretty sure Will was going to pull through, maybe it was time to really think hard and make a decision. Maybe even with the help of Dr Charles. She put that idea on the back-burner in her mind, though, wanting to try to come to a decision on her own. It was tough, though.

She could see a future with both of them. Sure, she'd been in love with Will for longer, but Phillip was a great guy. He was fantastic with Owen. Even then, Owen seemed a bit more hesitant around Phillip than he ever was with Will. It could be the fact that he'd been around Will pretty much from birth. But that didn't make it any easier to ignore. It wasn't something she'd been overly worried about, but maybe it was something she should look into a bit more.

"Earth to Natalie," she heard Jay say, pulling her from her thoughts. "I'm going to go get some food. You want anything?"

"No, I'm good," she answered, moving to his chair when he stood and left.

Will's hand opened up on the bed, and she took that as a sign, taking her hand in his.

"You had us worried for a bit there, Sleeping Beauty," she joked, his hand squeezing hers. She let the smile fall.

"I've been thinking. A lot. Over the past few weeks. About everything. I think you're right. I think I was coming to tell you something the night of the accident," she told him. "I can't remember exactly what it was though, and I'm still trying to remember, but I have an idea of what it was. When I heard about you though."

She had to stop as her voice broke. Now that he was awake, it was nice to know he was listening and hearing her. Taking a few deep breaths, she continued.

"I was scared we were going to lose you, that I was going to lose you. It didn't help when you went into v-fib and I worked on you. I was just hoping you could hear me when I was talking to you, hoping you were still in there somewhere. I love Phillip, Will. I do. But I can't deny that I still love you."

The fact that she'd said it to him made it all the more real, but it felt even more right. It was something that needed to be said. Maybe she should have waited until he was extubated to tell him all of this so that he'd be able to reply.

He let go of her hand, making her think that maybe he'd finally moved on. Instead, she saw him move his hand. It was a simple gesture, one of the simplest signs in sign language. 'I love you.'

"I haven't made a decision yet, though. And I need you to understand it might take a while."

He just nodded, and she knew it was going to be alright in the end.


	6. Chapter 6

It took four more days for Will to pass all of the SBT tests, failing one the day after she'd told him she loved him. She'd spent more time with Owen, trying to figure out if anything was bothering him. He was just a happy little boy, excited that his mommy was spending more time with him. She wanted to make note that she did need to spend more one on one time with him, away from Phillip and Sophie and even Will.

She knew he was being extubating, making sure to be there for him since Jay had to go to work and it was another one of her days off. She figured it was hard for Jay to balance everything, considering he couldn't just put his entire life on hold. Especially because Will seemed to be out of the woods for the most part.

"You ready for today?" she asked Will as she walked in, getting a shoulder shrug. "You're _not _ready to have the tube pulled out of your throat?"

She got an eye roll for that one, taking her usual seat next to him.

"Owen's been asking about you. He overheard me talking to Phillip one night, so he just thinks your sick. I was hoping to bring him to visit in a few days. If it's okay with you. You don't have to answer right now." She was killing it with the jokes, and she could see in his eyes that he would have laughed if he could.

"Physical therapy is going to be in later today after they extubate you to start working on getting you strong again," she continued. "I'm sure they'll be getting you up and out of that bed in no time."

He squeezed her hand again, a reassurance almost. All of this time she'd been spending with him made her decision a little easier. It was still going to take time to admit her decision, but she couldn't deny she really did still love him. It wasn't just fear of losing him, it was the real deal.

"Are we ready to get this tube out?" the respiratory therapist asked as he walked in the room.

"I think we're both more than ready," Natalie answered, knowing Will was most definitely ready.

She knew the process of extubating, and the fact that the respiratory therapist would stay in the room with them for about twenty minutes to ensure he didn't need reintubated. It was a lengthy process, but a necessary one.

"Okay, I'm going to turn the vent settings off," he said before doing it. Despite being doctors, it was assuring to know he was explaining the steps as he did them. It also helped so she could point out anything that might be going wrong in the process.

He then undid the Thomas tube holder, keeping a firm hold on the ET tube. "A couple of big coughs, Will," he instructed, Will following directions as he pulled the tube out.

"You're going to be hoarse for a few days, might develop a cough. All normal as you both know. I'm going to start packing up, and then I'll leave you two alone."

Natalie thought the respiratory therapist was one of the most polite people she'd encountered since Will had been in the hospital. Or maybe, it was only because they were two doctors who would recognize any screw ups on his part. Either way, he was respectful, and hadn't messed up.

The couple sat in silence until he left. She was able to hear him breathing, raspiness with every breath. She didn't worry though, knew it was normal.

"So, you still love me?" he asked with a smirk, voice rough as he spoke.

She was half tempted to answer with a smack to his arm, but she just answered with a simple, "Yes."

He just nodded, not saying anything else. She wasn't sure what to say either, if she was being honest. It was a tough situation. There was no way to make it easier on any of them. Someone was going to get hurt, most likely Phillip, but it was bound to happen.

"I know you want to hear that I'm leaving him and choosing you, Will. It's not that easy though," she reminded him.

"I understand. A guy can hope though, right? I just…" he coughed again. "Don't jerk me around, Nat."

This time, she was the one left nodding in response. That was the last thing she wanted to do, considering how much she cared for him. It was going to take time though. Even just admitting her feelings was hard enough, it was going to be even harder to break Phillips heart with all of it. Her mind was made up, and it was Will.

She took his hand in hers, bringing it up to her lips and kissing his knuckles. It was something she used to do all the time when they were together, especially in moments were an actual kiss wasn't appropriate. She hoped he understood the sign.

"Oh, I might have ordered you that hat I was talking about," she then told him. "It should be here in the next couple of days. I'm sure Sam will let you start wearing it when those staples come out."

"What exactly happened, Nat?" he then asked. "I don't remember a lot. I remember I was working with the CDC, she was someone I knew from undergrad. We went to get lunch and left Dr Seldon there to keep working. Then I woke up here a few days ago."

"Dr Seldon was the one who spread the bacteria, Will." She didn't want to be the one to break the news to him, figured Jay might have earlier. Apparently not. "We don't know exactly what led up to it, but they said you went back to grab something. From what Jay said, it looked like there was some kind of fight, the samples were destroyed, and you were on the floor with a microscope covered in blood next to you. Jay was the one who found you."

"But they caught him, right?" he asked, seeming to glance over the fact that his own brother was the one that found him.

"Something like that. They shot him."

Something was off about him, but she couldn't place her finger on it. He seemed like the normal Will, a little worse for wear. Whatever it was, it was below the surface in how reacted to the news, how he had been reacting to pretty much everything she'd said. Maybe it was just in her head. She'd spent nearly every day for the past four weeks worrying about him, so maybe her brain just couldn't comprehend that he was awake.

"Can we talk about something else, anything else?" she asked, wanting to get off the topic and put her mind at ease.

"Like what?" he countered, looking like he might be getting tired.

"I don't know," she admitted with a nervous chuckle.

"Can you tell me about everything I've missed?"

She could handle that, telling him about some of the more interesting cases. She told him about the antics Owen had been up to, and some of their more recent outings. She left out Phillip and Sophie for good reason, knowing he didn't need to hear about that. When she finished, she saw he'd fallen asleep again. His chest rising and falling with each breath, and it was an assuring sight.

There was some doubt on whether she should stay until physical therapy got there, deciding it would be a good idea to leave him for a few minutes to get lunch. She knew the nurses would keep an eye on him, and that Jay would be coming by eventually.

Quietly, she left the room, taking only her phone with her. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to swing by Dr Charles' office to see if he was in. Maybe he would have an idea on why her gut was telling her something was off. Again, though, she told herself it might just be nothing, that it might just be all the stress catching up to her. She decided against going to see Dr Charles. At least for now.

The cafeteria had mediocre options at best, sitting down at one of the tables with her sandwich and coffee, scrolling through her latest news feed as she ate. She wondered to herself whether or not to just go ahead and end it with Phillip instead of trying to dig into it. What did it matter if she was going to choose Will in the end? Again, the nagging sensation was still there that something wasn't right with Will and that she shouldn't charge head first into any decision. She'd done that before, and it usually didn't end up good.

"Fancy seeing you here," she heard from her right, looking over and not expecting to see who she saw.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Another short chapter, I know, but I'll make it up to you guys, I promise. With some Fluff? Or some more whump? Who knows, I sure don't. :)

"Connor?" she asked with a smile, standing to embrace her friend. "I thought you said you weren't going to make it."

He hadn't made it in the four weeks since the incident. The news about what had happened with Ava had spread like wildfire once it became public, Natalie understanding why he might never want to step foot in the hospital again.

"Well, I figured I gave it enough time to be able to visit Will. I actually accepted a position in Minnesota at the Mayo Clinic as a CT/Trauma surgeon," he told her, the pair sitting down at the table.

"That's exciting. I'm happy for you."

Over the years, despite the three of them butting heads, she and Will had become pretty good friends with Connor. She wished he would have stuck around a bit longer so that they would be there for him with the loss of Ava and his father. Sure, he and Cornelius weren't close, but it was still a shock for him surely.

"So, how's Will?" he then asked, jumping straight to the hard question, not bothering with the small talk.

"He's awake. Something just seems off about him right now, but I don't know. It could just all be in my head," she answered. "Sam is wanting to do another CT and an MRI this time around. I don't know if he's noticed the same things, but it's probably more to do with the fact that Will had a massive TBI."

"What do you think is off with him?" Connor followed.

It was nice that he was acknowledging her worry. At the same time, she thought that it still might be in her head. Either way, it was nice to talk to him about it.

"He has the same sense of humor, will give me an eye roll in all the right places, but…" She took a breath, trying to figure out how to explain it. "You know Will worries about Jay, overly so. When I told him his brother was the one who found him, there was no response at all. He hasn't asked about the extent of his injuries, or what happened following the attack. Nothing."

"I'm not saying there isn't something wrong, or trying to deny it. I haven't seen him yet. But it's just possible it's just the shock of it all starting to wear off. Maybe it'll get better, I don't know. We can go up there though, and I'll talk to him, and I'll back you up if need be."

It was nice to know he had her back and wasn't just chalking it up to stress. She knew after her TBI she hadn't made the best decisions, and she definitely wasn't herself for a while. Maybe it was just that?

"You ready to head upstairs?" she asked, finishing off her sandwich.

"Yeah," he agreed.

She was thankful he'd come, hoped it would cheer Will up a bit. With everything that had happened and that had been going on, it would be good for him to see a familiar face. Hopefully Jay would show up later in the afternoon, and the two brothers could hopefully talk about what had happened.

"Hey, Will. Found someone downstairs you might like to see," she said, walking in to his room.

"Is he shorter than three feet?" he asked, Natalie knowing he meant Owen.

"Unfortunately not. But he is tall, dark, and handsome."

The smile on Will's face when Connor walked in was great, glad to see him happy. She remembered when they'd found out about everything, when Sharron had told them Connor had put in his resignation. It was a shock, but Will had taken it a bit hard. Sure, they didn't always see eye to eye, but Connor was his friend.

"What's up, bro? Heard you gave them all quite a scare," Connor told him, left hand reaching out for Will's.

That one action led to a bit of a shock. Will didn't reach out for Connor's hand like he normally would have, with his own left. Instead, he reached out with his right, which was an awkward position, leaving Connor having to switch hands to embrace his friend.

"Will, can you move your left hand?" Connor then asked.

"Yeah," Will said, but nothing happened, and Will didn't seem to acknowledge the fact that nothing had happened. Whatever was going on with him, Natalie knew it wasn't normal, that it was a side effect of the TBI

It had been years since she'd done a neurology rotation, not since her internship. It took a minute for her to recall all of the side effects that could result from a right sided parietal lobe injury. Neglect of the opposite side, personality changes, reading and writing difficulties. Everything that Will needed to not only be a doctor, but to be the Will she knew, could be gone or altered.

"I don't know what you guys are so worried about. I'm fine," he assured them with a smile, casually lifting his left arm to run his hand through his hair.

It was classic signs, and she hoped it was only temporary. Sometimes it was, sometimes it was permanent. They wouldn't know for sure until Dr Abrams ran his tests, and even then, it would take time.

She was caught up in her own thoughts - again - as the two doctors chatted like nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong, though. This whole situation was messed up, none of it was supposed to be this way. Everything was just so wrong, which is what led her to standing up and leaving the room without another word.


	8. Chapter 8

It took her three days to bring herself to go back into his hospital room. She'd almost made it a couple of times, stopping just short at the nurse's station. There was just so much doubt in her mind, and it was a complicated mess. She wasn't sure how he was doing, if there was any progress, if he was the old Will again. She hadn't bothered to ask either, ignoring the texts and calls that came from either of the Halsteads - and even Connor. She'd retreated, taken Owen to Helen's and holed up there aside from work. She just needed time, reminding her of the sabbatical she took seemingly forever ago.

"I was wondering when you'd show," she heard Will say from the bed, not looking over at her.

At first she wondered why he didn't look at her, then remembered she'd entered from his left side. Apparently that hadn't been getting any better, Sam saying it had actually gotten worse. At least he heard her walk in.

"I just needed time, Will," she reminded him, taking a seat on his right side, his eyes following her once she was in the center of his vision.

It wasn't a lie either. She really did need time to think it all through. It hadn't helped that she'd given Phillip the ring back, was planning on packing up her things. But that didn't mean she was hopping right over to Will. He was still pretty sick, and it wasn't fair to anybody. Especially herself. She needed some time to just be Natalie.

"I know. Jay dropped by a few times. Still seems pretty shaken up. They keep telling me all of the things that are wrong, but I'm fine," he assured her with a smile.

It was just another residual effect, denying that something was wrong. Despite the fact he hadn't been able to get out of the bed, or move his left side when actually thinking of it. It was tough, but she just smiled, squeezing his hand.

"I know, but we just have to make sure. Sam was talking about getting you discharged to a rehab facility."

It wasn't what anybody wanted, but neither she nor Jay could take out the time necessary to rehab him at home. They both had full time jobs, and she had a son. It just wasn't doable. They both knew Will wasn't going to be happy about it, but he would deal.

"That isn't necessary, Nat," he told her, brows furrowing in frustration. "I'm fine."

"Just humor us, okay? Please." She got a huff out of him, but he didn't argue anymore about it. "I left Phillip. Owen and I are staying at Helen's until I can find a new place."

"That's good, I guess," he replied. She didn't know why she'd told him that. It wasn't important, but at the same time, she didn't know what else to talk about with him.

It was difficult considering the weeks leading up to this all happening, seemingly never seeing eye to eye.

"Look, I know this all sucks, but I'm trying," she reminded him, getting a sigh in return. It was a sign that he knew she was right. "Has Connor visited more?"

"Yeah, every day for the past few days. He seems to be happy again, in Minnesota. Apparently, he's trying to get a Hybrid OR started out there too. Seems to be working so far. We should all go out for drinks when I get out of here, if he's still around," Will continued. It was nice to hear him talking again.

"Or, we could take a trip out there to visit him. A little vacation," she suggested. It would be nice to get out of the city for a little while, to escape everything that had happened.

They sat in a semi-comfortable silence, the Sox game playing on the TV. Will seemed to be paying more attention than she was, her own attention torn between him and her own thoughts. She couldn't help but look over at him occasionally. She saw the shine in his eyes, freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose onto his cheekbones, the way his jaw angled. It wasn't anything she hadn't seen before. Again, though, she wondered if that same Will was still there or if this was the man he was going to be.

He seemed more short with her, the tone of his voice icy now. He still denied that anything was remotely wrong. She knew it was all the lingering after effects of his injury, but she still wondered.

She'd had an image in her head from the moment she'd realized she'd fallen for him. It was the image of them happy, reminiscing years down the road about everything that was and everything that was to come. It was with matching rings, arms around shoulders, and the laughter of children - their children or maybe even their children's children.

If this was a permanent change, would that image change as well? Would she be able to fall in love with the new Will without her own expectations of who he should be - of who he used to be - get in the way? They were terrifying thoughts. She'd thought she'd lost him once, but what if she really had lost him?

"Earth to Nat," she heard him say, pulling her out of those thoughts yet again. "I'm ordering my lunch. Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm good," she assured him with a smile. It was like the old Will was still there.

It was a bunch of what ifs in her head. All of it weighing heavy in her mind and heart. She knew part of it was rational, as a doctor she knew all of the possible outcomes. But as a loved one, it was easy to get caught up in the whirl-wind of what ifs. If she were one of her patients loved ones, she would have told herself to wait it out, that things would sort themselves out in time and that they'd be able to see the bigger picture once they had a better idea. Unfortunately, she didn't think to tell herself any of that.

"Am I missing the party?" she heard Jay ask as he walked in the room, a bag of McDonalds in his hand.

"You showed up just in time. Please tell me you have a double quarter pounder in there for me?" Will followed up, Jay pulling the sandwich out of the bag and putting it on the bedside table for Will to eat.

"Had I known you'd be here, I would have gotten you something," he told Natalie, causing her to shake her head with a chuckle.

"Well, I guess you'll just owe me next time." Her hands came down on the armrests of the chair, pushing herself up. "I have to go, promised Owen to go to the park. I'll swing by tomorrow," she told the pair, getting mumbled responses as the two ate.

It wasn't entirely the truth, but not entirely a lie either. If she was being honest with herself, she just needed a reason to get out of there and to clear her head.


End file.
